Ode to the Warrior Chef

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About this song

Fred the Tribeless just wants to be a chef at a 3* restaurant.

Lyrics

(Verse 1)
When the battle's done and the dust has cleared,
When the last orc falls and the path is weird,
There's a man who sheathes his axe and grabs a pan—
Fred the Tribeless, barbarian, culinary man.
(Verse 2)
He'll gut the beast that tried to take his head,
Season it with herbs he found beside the dead,
Debone it with the blade that split an orcish shield,
Turn a battlefield into a five-star yield.
(Chorus)
KILL IT! CLEAN IT! SEASON IT WITH RAGE!
Sear it on a fire built from a wizard's cage!
Serve it to the hungry on a dented iron plate—
Fred the Chef, the Tribeless, making dinner GREAT!
(Verse 3)
"Can we talk about this?" Fred says to the foe,
Then when talking fails, he lets the cleaver throw,
Harvests what he's slain like any craftsman would—
Waste not, want not — orcmeat's pretty good.
(Bridge)
A pinch of salt from a dead man's pouch,
Rosemary pulled from a dragon's couch,
Slow roast on a pyre meant for funeral rites—
Fred feeds the party through the darkest nights.
(Final Chorus)
KILL IT! CLEAN IT! SERVE IT WITH A SMILE!
The barbarian chef who goes the extra mile!
From negotiation to decapitation to a beautiful filet—
Fred the Tribeless feeds the heroes at the end of every day!

[Chant — slow, building, the whole party stomping]
FRED! FRED! FRED THE TRIBELESS!
KILL IT! [stomp stomp]
CLEAN IT! [stomp stomp]
GRILL IT! (stomp stomp)
SERVE!
FRED! FRED! FRED THE TRIBELESS!
CHOP IT! [stomp stomp]
SPICE IT! [stomp stomp]
SLICE IT! [stomp stomp]
SERVE!
(Final — all together, fists on table)
HE TALKS! THEY DIE! HE COOKS! WE EAT!
HE TALKS! THEY DIE! HE COOKS! WE EAT!
FRED! FRED! FRED! THE! TRIBE-LESS!

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