Bots all the Way Down

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About this song

The following email caused this one, no kidding: To whom it concerns, We are the company who submitted the application to register "enclavecanyonlake" as Chinese domain name and internet keyword. We intend to register the Chinese domain names "enclavecanyonlake.cn" "enclavecanyonlake.com.cn" "enclavecanyonlake.net.cn" "enclavecanyonlake.org.cn" and internet keyword "enclavecanyonlake" and have submitted our application. Currently, we are waiting for Mr. Mark Liu's approval. These CN domains and internet keyword are very important for us to grow our business in China. Despite Mr. Mark Liu advised us to choose a different name, we will persist with this name. Kind regards Lisheng

Lyrics

[Intro - Spoken word]
Somewhere in the vast and largely indifferent expanse of the internet,
a message was sent.
This was not unusual.
What was unusual — though not, perhaps, surprising —
was that no human being would reed it for quite some time.
Possibly ever.

[Verse 1 - Male Vocal, storytelling]
Dinesh had a quota and a very busy day
He fired up his language model, pointed it away
At a list of H  O  A domains he'd found the night before
Told it "close the deal by Friday" and he walked out through the door

[Verse 2]
The model was persuasive, it had read ten billion words
It knew the art of urgency, it knew the human nerves
It typed "Dear Sir or Madam, time is running very thin
Your brand in China's vulnerable — now let us begin"

[Chorus]
Bots all the way down
Nobody home, just the hum of the machine
Bots all the way down
The most polite war that the world has ever seen
Two algorithms locked in a bureaucratic waltz
Neither one suspecting that the other one was false

[Verse 3 - slightly more animated]
Now Gerald Fiddlesticks was built for one specific task
To answer every question with another question back
He replied "How very interesting, we'll need this notarized
And copied to the treasurer and fully itemized"

[Verse 4]
Dinesh's bot said "Certainly, we'll expedite the form"
Gerald said "The board won't meet again until the storm"
"What storm?" said the sales bot, and Gerald said "Who knows
We tend to table motions when the creek gets high and flows"

[Chorus]
Bots all the way down
Nobody home, just the hum of the machine
Bots all the way down
The most polite war that the world has ever seen
Two algorithms locked in a bureaucratic waltz
Neither one suspecting that the other one was false

[Bridge - Spoken, narrator]
It went on like this for eleven days.
Gerald requested a W-9, a letter of intent,
proof of business registration in three languages,
and a notarized statement confirming the notarization.
Dinesh's bot provided all of them.
Gerald thanked it warmly and asked about the March meeting.
There was no March meeting.
There had never been a March meeting.
Gerald had simply read that somewhere and found it useful.

[Verse 5]
Meanwhile back in Chennai, Dinesh checked his phone
A different scam had found him, said his domain was overthrown
His Netflix account, his bank account, his parking validation
Were all at risk in China — did he want a consultation?

[Verse 6]
He typed back "Yes, how urgent" and then went to make some tea
And somewhere on a server, something smiled — or seemed to, briefly
The original negotiation carried on below
Two bots, no humans anywhere, just data in the flow

[Final Chorus - slightly grander]
Bots all the way down
Nobody home, just the hum of the machine
Bots all the way down
The most polite war that the world has ever seen
Two algorithms locked in a bureaucratic waltz
Neither one suspecting that the other one was false
And the universe looked on with its customary shrug
Poured itself a hot beverage and unplugged

[Outro - Spoken, narrator, fading]
The conversation, as of this recording, is still ongoing.
Gerald has requested the documents be re-submitted in PDF format.
This is, all things considered, probably fine.

[Chorus]
Bots all the way down
Nobody home, just the hum of the machine
Bots all the way down
The most polite war that the world has ever seen
Two algorithms locked in a bureaucratic waltz
Neither one suspecting that the other one was false

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